The Stories That Outlive Us

Rob Reiner and his wife Michele died yesterday, and it surprised me how much the heartbreaking news stayed with me. I never met him, obviously, but one of his films — Stand By Me — is my first movie memory. I remember in the 80s eating pizza on the floor, popping in the VHS, and being enthralled by the Reiner film with my folks.

The power of the film for me in the 80s had to do with watching kids my age on screen. Few films captured in any serious way the difficulties of kids growing up in America. The inner turmoil most kids experience when they realize their parents are flawed, and sometimes unsafe. The film captures the moments when kids come awake to a world full of wonder, and pain. Reiner captures these tensions brilliantly in the film.

Stand by Me takes place in small town Maine in the 50s. Reiner does a good job of showing how “place” shapes our existence. The people, places, and experiences we had in our early years all work to shape the essence of who we are today.

The film is a quest of four boys looking for a dead body. But as they walk along railroad tracks, talk about life, ridicule one another, and chase adventures, Reiner captures the boredom, wonder, and pain of childhood like no other filmmaker. He captures the stories of these kids, and their ability to tell a different, and better one if they choose. Often what we need is someone in our corner telling us it’s possible.

Something inside me cracked open watching Stand By Me in the 80s, and still does with every rewatch. It was the first time I understood how powerful a story could be. Reiner had a gift for telling human stories — simple, honest, and layered with heart. And that’s why they last. Long after the storyteller is gone, the story keeps doing its subversive work in the world.

Reiner’s passing reminded me of something important: our stories matter, too. Maybe they’ll never make it onto a movie screen, but they shape the people around us in ways rarely seen. I think of the stories my grandfather told about WWII. My father’s adventures in high school and during his college years. My grandmother meeting my grandfather, and later raising children in Los Angeles.

These memories shared, lessons learned, and moments noticed — all shaped who I am (for good and ill). These stories became part of me, and when I share them, they become part of someone else. Sharing our stories, including the good, the bad, and the mundane parts, reminds us of our shared humanity. We’re all made from the same stuff, and need the same stuff to thrive in the world.

Primarily love.

Reiner shows that a couple of close friends can take you far in life.

So pay attention to your life. Honor the little adventures and friendships and milestones. Tell your story, even if you’re not sure anyone’s listening.

Because stories will outlive us. And someone, somewhere, might need yours.

Rest in peace, Rob and Michele. Thanks for sharing your stories with the world!

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